helgaleena

Midsummer on the way!

14 Jun 09 18:24:52 GMT

The above is an all-ages ritual that is highly seasonally appropriate.

I recently joined this initiative:

http://thepaganandthepen.wordpress.com/

Connie, one of our members from Down Under, reminded us that for her it's Midwinter. The shortest day is approaching instead of the longest.

Something excellent and free

18 Feb 09 23:51:29 GMT

Now that we have all made it to the other side of Valentines Day the great marketing of romance phenomenon, which in the old days was called Lupercalia and involved ripping hearts out, I have to exult in two things.

Thing one: the band Lamb of God has made their entire new album, WRATH, available to listen for free! at Myspace.

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=us...

Thing two:

http://www.darkroastpress.com

I am now officially a published romance author, not just a fanfictioning and editing wannabe. The anthology My Dark Roasted Valentine, released on Valentine's Day 2009, contains 25 percent Helgaleena romance in the form of my short story, Heartseeds.

It's that time--- tell me what a great editor I am! with adult exerpt

10 Jan 09 23:57:29 GMT

This is a repost from the group

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/MMRomancereadersandW... ....

For those who may not have gathered this info yet, I am the chief
editing Sith at Dark Roast Press. My public persona is a dreadlocked
Hutt, as I began my love of M/M romance with Star Wars fanfiction and
still have not fully left that phase of my evolution behind. There's a
pretty comprehensive collection of links to my Star Wars work in all
genres at the Myspace profile.

http://www.myspace.com/helgaleena

What I learned from that incubation was that I could get equally as
much satisfaction from beta reading and mentoring new writers and those
whose mother tongue was not English yet chose to write in it. My
masters in South Asian linguistics wasn't quite as useless as I thought!

In 2007 I followed a brave cadre of fanfiction writers into the world
of e-romance publishing, under the banner of Aphrodite's Apples Press.
I was priveleged to work with over fifty different authors at all
levels of expertise during that time, and count many of them as friends
still, though when the Apple Tree fell, our editing children had to
scramble for new homes.

Worst off was the Aphrodites GLBT line, scheduled to be born on
Valentines Day. Instead, the whole press went down. Rhiannon Rhodes
stepped in and made us a home-- Dark Roast Press.

http://www.darkroastpress.com

I am so gratified
that we are getting such kudos at the P&E Poll. And my work there with
all our writers has meant so much to me, and will continue to do so.

Adrianne Brennan is a former SW geek, yea one among many, whose paranormal romance novel
Blood of the Dark Moon has now been reissued by Freya's Bower at last,
and also her short Blood and Mint Chocolates, an F/F title in the same
universe-- both works are my satisfied editing clients. A vote for her (yes non-M/M
titles, sorry) is a vote for moi. And the books are doing well there at
P& E, http://critters.org/predpoll

also at the LoveRomances Cafe poll.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/LoveRomancesCafe/

But that's not all! Claudia, my boss at Loveyou Divine Alterotica, has
been nominated for a CAPA! You know them; Carol McKenzie and Bryn Colvin and Nix Winter all the other cool writers are there.

Over there I got to do an M/M edit called One Night Stand. It's a paranormal
with plenty of kink. Do check it out.

http://www.loveyoudivine.com/index.php?main_page=d...

EXERPT:

When their lips parted Arda whispered, "You'll appreciate
tonight. You'll see." He touched Greg's shirt and drew his finger down
his forearm. That feels nice. "I want to seduce you."

No kidding. "I realize this. But first, I want to get to know you."

"What do you want to know?"

"Anything...just talk to me."

He shot Greg a bewildered glance and shrugged. "I'm just like you.
Well, almost. I enjoy good food, mostly earth food...Italian...some
Chinese. But I also enjoy food from other planets...like Klingdon
cuisine. Occasionally I drink a glass of fine earth wine." He raised
his glass in a wordless toast. "I have all the emotions you humans
experience. I have many enjoyments and many dislikes. I like to play
the piano and I can sing. I like to paint nudes in oils and belly
dance."

"Art?" He is toying with me...lying maybe. Greg shook his head and
rolled his eyes.

"We have things in common, don't we? Actually, if you got to know me
better, you'd find we have a lot in common. Unfortunately, we don't
have time to form a relationship."

He slipped his hand around Arda's neck and pulled him into a kiss. When
their lips parted he murmured, "Tell me about your being a Demi-Lord,"
wanting to get to know the situation better.

"I'm royalty of Dezcartia of Ghod ZoHepez. I'm in line to take the
throne and rule with the Uba Thaph, which is much like the Congress
that you know. I'm risking all that and death to be with you because
I'm not to mix with anyone, except the servants the Uba Thaph provides."

"That's not fair."

"No, it's not."

"I'm sorry."

"It's all right." He paused in thoughtful silence, then added, "There's
not enough time, Greg, to tell you all of it. I'm sorry."

"You're risking death to be with me?" He's totally obsessed! I'm
impressed with his defiance.

"You're going to be my sexual entertainment for this evening. You'll
love it. It'll be different for you." He raised a hand. "Usba Echu?
Come here. It's time to prepare Greg for the rack."

While the servant stood nearby, Arda's eyes elevated and lazed over the
lowest point of the V in Greg's shirt, where a few sprigs of chest hair
showed. Taunting Greg, Arda fingered his own sex through his clothing,
running a finger up and down the outline of his bulge and down the left
leg of his pants, showing Greg his formidable length, maybe ten inches
or so. On second thought, maybe I'm the obsessed one.

He switched his attention to Greg's crotch and took his hand off his
own pants, reached over and brought Greg's hand into his lap.

Feeling him for himself, Greg relished the intimate touches that he
gave to Arda's cock, even though it was through fabric. Arda's member
pulsed under his pressing and plying palms and fingers. Greg began
squeezing it gently, causing Arda to squirm and moan as he lay back,
his eyes closed. Greg felt the old familiar, hard pang of his own
erection; he teased him until his organ engorged and ached.

"You have no idea what you do to me, love. All night I've been half-
hard in anticipation of this intimacy. Sweet, blissful agony." An
appreciative gaze twinkled in his eyes. "Let's get undressed and go to
the shower," Arda urged. "There's more to come. Much more."

"What will you do to me?"

"You'll see, my precious."
http://www.loveyoudivine.com/index.php?main_page=d...

I don't know what promo has been done for it, but I was told I
went 'above and beyond' on this one. Most of the other works I do at
LYD are het.

And someday, SOMEDAY, I am going to let another editor see the little
story of a blow up doll who comes alive, my first try at original
fiction that came out of November's NaNo WriMo.

So, am I Best Editor in the universe? Maybe not, but I have lots of fun
trying. Vote here.

http://critters.org/predpoll

Solstice Reposting of THE AGENDA

12 Dec 08 06:29:18 GMT

The original sermon is here:

I am much too chintzy to write another one just because it's nearly winter solstice. It's hibernation season and I'm fighting that as it is.

http://helgaleena.mylivepage.com/blog/141/1034

Remember you can never have too much Sex. But if it's leading to reproduction you are doing it wrong unless you want the world to die from having too many damn humans on it. And if it involves long term harm to any involved then you are not nice and will get coal in your stocking or your wooden shoe depending on your ethnicity.

This time of year creates intense craving for sleep, or lights twinkling and hot stimulants if action is involved. (y/n)

You know what's pernicious mythology? Soulmates. the One and Only. In the flush of initial compatibility after long searching for a comfortable fit, couples think every single thing is going to go chronically right forever after due to this. Then they go and evolve into better people who might no longer fit each other so well. What's more, if narrowmindedly they think there is no other option than each other, they are stagnant and stuck.

Guess what? It is guaranteed that Death Do Us Part. All things pass from one stage to the next. We can only do our best for one another and hope for the same in return. It doesn't always last, and it doesn't always work, and the least we can do is give the old shoe a decent burial when it wears out. Oh the roads it's been down!

Yours truly keeps outlasting things I thought fondly might kill me. Including 'the love of my life' who turns out to be as steadfast in venom as he was in sweetness. And both turn out to be non nutritious after all. I did my best and try to play by the rules still, whatever illusion he dresses me in with his increasingly unfamiliar mind.

All this had me trying to remember why I am helgaleena, whether I still am, because, that man I married once is seeming so strange suddenly. I came across THE AGENDA and behold, it still fits.

So I box it up and put new paper on so all the people who didn't read it before will think it's tinsely and festive.

http://helgaleena.mylivepage.com/blog/141/1034

A year ago this time I was helping Nikki Watson with her first full length novel for Aphrodites Apples Press. It was about a girl who loses her fiancee and falls apart for months, then is pulled out of herself again by the love of her friends. The title was SPIRAL and I hope it makes its way to print again. It was strung together out of fragments, much like the protagonist herself. AA is gone, but there is Dark Roast, and there is Nikki, now a multi published Australian author of our fine genre.

May your downward and inward spirals tighten into little clumpy lumps in the middle and then unwind outward into increasing illumination as you unfold again.

This is the time of year for it. Must sleep now.

Howdy Doody It's Banned Books Week!

03 Oct 08 19:56:08 GMT

Romance author Terry Odell has been keeping this event at the top of her blog this week, and since I am involved with a company that produces an adult-rated product, erotic romance, it seems apropos to mention this.

United States libraries and bookstores are all featuring displays of such 'objectionable' titles as A Wrinkle in Time, Huckleberry Finn, the Harry Potter books, Lysistrata, Rabelais, Gulliver's Travels, and so on, and shouting READ A BANNED BOOK! Amazing the things narrow minds can find to protect their fellow minds against.

It's a slippery slope in our so-called free country, with its so-called free press. First they censor the things you can do in public, then they burn your books and bleep your broadcasts, and before you know it they're burning your neighbors instead of their books.

But Helga, weren't you in favor of Burning Man (and burning other things) just last August?-- you might ask. And I might answer, Yes, my children, there is a positive side to discrimination, when it is used synonymously with discernment. One must learn to tell red from green, and white from black, and warm from cold, and edible from recyclable. But we do not eliminate any color from our spectrum without distoring the entire color scheme and making it hide things best seen! Just because I know the difference between having sex with love and having sex without it, which is no better than rape, does not mean there should be no sex!

Burning is for cook-fires and sweat-lodges, and I am not in favor of burning people unless you are meaning to eat them yourself. If you are just doing it to frighten others, you are despotic. I don't like burnt witch. I like steamed witch, fresh from sauna and cooled by a swift dip in the lake and then moistened with a nice beer and snacks table in the kitchen before serving under the covers, at this season. And surely at a well-managed homestead you have enough cordwood ready for the coming snows that you don't need to burn books or other furniture.

So, let's read as many banned books as we can, just to annoy the banners and see what they are being so silly over!

Here are some links to Terry's postings,

http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog....

http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog&...

and some nice stealable quotes.

Banned Books Week
Category: Writing and Poetry

We're in the middled of Banned Books Week, as evidenced by my quotes of the day.

"The trouble with censorship is that once it starts it is hard to stop. Just about every book contains something that someone objects to."

~Studs Terkel

"A Texas town has banned the Harry Potter books because they glorify magic, and learning to read."
~Craig Kilborn

There are worse crimes than burning books. One of them is not reading them.
~Joseph Brodsky

"Censorship is telling a man he can't have a steak just because a baby can't chew it."
-- Mark Twain

"Adam was but human - this explains it all. He did not want the apple for the apple's sake, he wanted it only because it was forbidden. The mistake was in not forbidding the serpent; then he would have eaten the serpent."
-- Mark Twain

"All these people talk so eloquently about getting back to good old-fashioned values. Well, as an old poop I can remember back to when we had those old-fashioned values, and I say let's get back to the good old-fashioned First Amendment of the good old-fashioned Constitution of the United States -- and to hell with the censors! Give me knowledge or give me death!"
-- Kurt Vonnegut, author

"The dirtiest book of all is the expurgated book."
-- Walt Whitman

"There is no such thing as a moral book or an immoral book. Books are well written or badly written. That is all."
-- Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray, 1891

"The books that the world calls immoral are the books that show the world its own shame." Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray, 1891

"An idea that is not dangerous is unworthy of being called an idea at all." -- Oscar Wilde
Continuing with the Banned Books Week theme, some more banned titles:

http://www.highlands.edu/academics/library/banned/... William Shakespeare, Ray Bradbury, Henry Miller, Joyce Carol Oates, Mark Twain, Toni Morrison, George Orwell, Geoffrey Chaucer, William Steig, Joseph Heller,various Newberry Award winners, Salman Rushdie, DH Lawrence, Kurt Vonnegut, Maurice Sendak, William Faulkner, my goodness they've got most everybody in all sorts of genres! Including the Bible!

thanks to author Mechelle Armstrong for this link to the ALA multiple banned list source.

http://www.ala.org/ala/aboutala/offices/oif/banned...

Power

15 Sep 08 01:01:47 GMT

I don't know if the HTML editor is on the fritz here or what. But today I spent commenting on the Times Online re: Creationsm.

http://www.coolscifi.com/forums/showthread.php?t=2... this is a recent editorial at the sciffiorums about it.

I am in favor of it being taught as myth. Especially if it includes Flying Spaghetti as the Creator. I have been debating internally the proposition that what makes us happy makes us wiser, and the reverse, what makes us unhappy makes us idiots. It pleased me to 'follow my bliss' today. It made me feel wiser.

This piece of homily is from a book called Little, Big by John Crowley. In it the old gods are deposed and replaced by a nest of sybaritic rustics who rigorously practice that philosophy and manage to get the 'door' open to where the old gods were. Most intriguing and useful pseudoscience. Would it not be marvelous if what made us happy made us wise in real life as well?

They also were in possession of a microcosmos machine which once started, ran by perpetual motion. Fixing it was instrumental to liftoff, as it were. Would it not be lovely if the yoga of the subtle bodies worked like that? for it is alleged, and fondly wished, that we all contain the cosmos if we look within at the correct angle.

But so far, all I have been sure about is that they who make you happy allow you to be wise, and they who make you unhappy ultimately turn you stupid if you believe them. It's not exactly the same. But it does help me justify my extreme distrust of both myself and the rest of my species. Humans, you are not making Helga happy enough. Yet you did invent this nifty toy I am expressing myself with so thank you for that. Expressing myself is udderly necessary.

No, that is not a gratuitous pun, it is deliberate and the literal truth when looked at from my angle.

Foo Fighters make good vid of myhome life here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5p4lhWwkCDo

Scary how much it feels exactly like that, o poor pitiful me, huh? Yet incredibly I continue to exist and breathe and stink and sweat and weep and exude and express. I Ching says: care of the cow brings good fortune. Nobody caring for this cow but herself?

Dark Roasting It-- repost from 'helgaleena says'

12 Sep 08 16:40:01 GMT

http://www.darkroastpress.com

It has been unconscionably long since I did a romance industry type blog post. How can I nag at the promo department if I haven't been putting my own oar in the water this summer? Private life woes are not a valid excuse. Dark Roast Press is the flagship, by gumby, and we shall wave its flags now. Those of you tuning in late may wonder who we are. We are a tiny but mighty erotic romance e-press just finding out cybervoice after the sudden shutting of Aphrodite's Apples Press, that bold experiment in fanfiction writers invading the realms of original erotica for fun and flavor.

In the fanfiction world, adding sex to plot-driven fiction, often between same-sex or other unconventional pairs, is called slash, and writers do it for the burning desire to make the stories better, the outcomes more healing to the reader who uses fiction to soothe the pervasive burn of existence in our mad modern world. In the spirit of this attitude, that love can conquer all, no matter how fantastic or perilous the setting, Dark Roast adds its pungent take upon the extreme edges of the romance genre.

M/M, BDSM, F/F, interspecies, horror, fetish, menage, fantasy, space opera, satire, and myth, we wish to take the darkest brew the imaginations of our writers can produce, to make into published stories that contain the crucial grain of healing that transforms poison into medicine. At Dark Roast Press, and Aphrodites Apples before it, we are a group of like-minded writers and editors who believe that sex should not be confined to pornography. Sex needs to be incorporated into the framework of our stories of life, of our mythologies, and especially our romances. It is very important to note that the lack of a story defines porn. And without story there can be no beauty, no meaning, no message.

That is why Helgaleena decided to write fanfiction in the first place, and it is why we at DarkRoast encourage the stories of life and love that we do. Love takes many forms, but it lies beneath the best of them, and we strive for the best. As EIC I am still able to work intimately with our writers to polish their stories to the highest gloss they will take. My boss Rhiannon Rhodes approves not only a book, but also the author him- or herself, as we welcome multiple submissions from those who share our vision.

You will find the quality of our offerings consistently high, and we have the reviews to substantiate that claim.

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=us...

If you find it hard to read these dark links, simply highlight them.

http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog....

Our present list of authors in no particular order: Angelia Sparrow

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=us...

coming soon, the sequel to this critically acclaimed work-- NIKO-CHAN...

J C Natal

http://www.darkroastpress.com/jnatal.php

Also the author of the Rysykk series...

Tyree Kimber

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=us...

Jesse Fox

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=us...

Jamie Lynn Miller

http://www.darkroastpress.com/jmiller.php

Christopher Newman

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=us...

author of the Ravenswood series and much more... Expect titles upcoming as well from Helgaleena, Kyle Jordan, Nera Ragno, and Heidi Norrod... as our editing and layout departments allow. We all have other things in our lives besides paddling the good ship DRP through the web. We are adding distributors slowly but inexorably, making us ever more available.

http://www.darkroastpress.com/index.php

Authors of love, fantasy, supernatural, and kink, see if you can help us save the world, one heartfelt book at a time! Readers, taste our blend and enjoy the results!

more mutant cuteness reposted

31 Aug 08 21:26:07 GMT

From http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,411741,00.html

Winged-Cat Causes Sensation in China Wednesday, August 27, 2008

While most cats are known for their ability to land on their feet, some in China may soon be able to glide to safety on their mysterious wings. A tabby from the Qingyan province in China recently sprouted a pair of fur-covered wings on his back during a hot-weather spell, the U.K.’s Daily Mail reported. Immediately, the unique kitty became a spectacle to behold, as visitors flocked to see the unusual feline. One cat owner, identified only as Feng, claimed her pet’s wings were the result of stress from too many females desiring to mate with him, the Mail reported. “At first they were just two bumps,” she told the Mail. “But they started to grow quickly and after a month there were two wings.” But the owner later grew fearful that the tabby would either be stolen by envious admirers or that it would fly away and decided to cut one of the two flappers off, World Entertainment News Network said. Cats with wings can be explained through several scientific explanations, including leg deformities, huge mats of hair or a condition known as feline cutaneous asthenia or FCA, which causes the cat’s skin to grow in heavy folds on its back or shoulders, online magazine Cryptozoology reported.

http://cryptozoology.suite101.com/article.cfm/incr...

Helgaleena says-- O You Pretty Things, Keep Mutating!

A decent quiz for a change

14 Jul 08 20:17:23 GMT

You're "Master Harold"... and the Boys!
by Athol Fugard

Even though you should have realized it for years, you're only just starting to understand how bad your society is. It's been keeping some of your best friends down for ages, and even you have been complicit with this system. When you make a mess, someone else is quick to clean it. When you need help, someone else is quick to your rescue. But when they point out injustice, you've pulled the wool over your eyes. Until now. If you ever need a cast, it will be small.

Take the Book Quiz at the Blue Pyramid.

Because MYspace blogs are wacky just now--

12 Jul 08 00:53:56 GMT

-- I was unable to comment to author Terry Odell who is hosting a short story writing panel and offered this to us all beforehand, at

http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.... She said:

Kurt Vonnegut had some interesting things to say about short stories in his collection, Bagombo Snuff Box. And who am I to argue with a master?

1. Use the time of a total stranger in such a way that he or she will not feel the time was wasted.

2. Give the reader at least one character he or she can root for.

3. Every character should want something, even if it is only a glass of water.

4. Every sentence must do one of two things -- reveal character or advance the action.

5. Start as close to the end as possible.

6. Be a sadist. No matter how sweet and innocent your leading characters, make awful things happen to them -- in order that the reader may see what they are made of.

7. Write to please just one person. If you open a window and make love to the world, so to speak, your story will get pneumonia.

8. Give your readers as much information as possible as soon as possible. To heck with suspense. Readers should have such complete understanding of what is going on, where and why, that they could finish the story themselves, should cockroaches eat the last few pages.

Excellent advice. Terry also said:

I thought I'd share the second page of my handout from the short story workshop, with more quotes about the craft. If you missed the first page, it was Friday's post. Any favorites?

"I have written a great many stories and I still don't know how to go about it except to write it and take my chances."
~John Steinbeck

"I'm a failed poet. Maybe every novelist wants to write poetry first, finds he can't and then tries the short story which is the most demanding form after poetry. And failing at that, only then does he take up novel writing."
~ William Faulkner

"Not that the story need be long, but it will take a long while to make it short"
~ Henry David Thoreau

"I'm sorry this letter is so long, but I did not have time to make it shorter."
~Blaise Pascal (often attributed to Mark Twain)

"I try to leave out the parts that people skip."
~Elmore Leonard

"Short stories are designed to deliver their impact in as few pages as possible. A tremendous amount is left out, and a good short story writer learns to include only the most essential information."
~Orson Scott Card

The most valuable of all talents is that of never using two words when one will do.
~Thomas Jefferson

"You learn by writing short stories. Keep writing short stories. The money's in novels, but writing short stories keeps your writing lean and pointed."
~Larry Niven

Indy and the skull of crystal

23 May 08 20:48:00 GMT

I truly enjoyed going with the sprog to get blasted by super-surround IMAX Indiana Jones movie. It was in all ways spectacular, and my brain was suitably saturated with it. BUT NOW, home and didn't hit
anything on the way by divine intervention, I am getting increasingly freaked by it. Not just the moldy heartwarming stuff either. < >

There are too many coincidences with my life atm for me not to be freaked. One child, missing husband, modest and reluctant hero obliged to save the very same damsel, discovering who is who, everything shifting positions and dimensions and in the end they get blown out a waterspout to the outer rim of danger...

We never discover exactly why the university suddenly reinstates Jones' tenure, they just do, in time for the geezer wedding and the potential hat-passing to the next gen. It slides right by until after, when the brain restarts and you say ah-- what just happened???

Nowhere in the credits do they mention that the real star of the show is EDDIE from Iron Maiden!!! Yet it is unmistakably his fizz in live-er than life 3d. He sends all the Soviets to heaven except for one whom he incinerates, the one who actually likes him. All good guys live on our earth still. It's just too pat for anyone with a mental age over twelve.

Right before the saucer digs out of the plain and takes off, the pyramid on top of it crumbles EXACTLY like the one on the Maiden summer tour promo art. Slogan: can I play with MADNESS? and here am I thinking I am absolutely bonkers...for reasons previously noted here. Even though it is very happy-making insanity indeed. I am literally buzzing with joy at the prospect of no longer being married.

So of course the old flame shows up with the son Indy left at the altar, and they tie the knot in shafts of churchy sunlight and white suit jackets. Just when I am hallucinating similar things in pathetic wish fulfillment.

But the absolutely creepiest thing is what happens to the woman who put the crystal skull of Edward the Great back where it's supposed to be. She says, I want to know--- and then the whole freakshow starts, the rooms spins and crumbles, anybody with sense runs for it, the glowing bones (which are a prominent feature of some of my own mystical experiences) collapse out of the circle and back into one being, the super Ed, and he puts glow into her eyes until her brain is so full of light that she spontaneously combusts like some legendary Himalayan sadhu. But we are supposed to believe that he's not enlightening her, he's destroying her! He's grimacing in glee, but it is cruel glee. Moral? consequence of wanting to KNOW is Crispy death!

For this I renounce Lucas as theologian for ever after. This message is wrong and devolutionary and soporific for the good sheep masses to take home to their lazyboys and hdtvs of conspicuous consumption.

I NEED to know. I am still in the dark, and without knowing I have no conviction for the very input of my senses. All I see is potentially ghosts, and all I hear is not speech but high blood pressure booming, and all I taste at every meal is dead corrosion. The pleasures I feel and think are happening are snares. They cannot be held and must fade into mere amusing speculations that expire within a few paltry hours, even when they pound me into the mattress and twist my spine out of its usual course.

They also make me smile. My face has spasms in odd corners from the way smiling pulls it. It's out of the habit. They also loosen adhesions and fill me with fond enthusiasm for every little thing. I am not neglecting good little habits like personal hygiene and diet.

Am I to believe that I am wrong to enjoy this uncanny onslaught of the illusion of love? Is the being I imagine is showering me with help and care just wishful thinking? Am I really deceiving myself just as the family I thought was my greatest mission is cracking into rubble? Will we be able to reach the rim of the chaos zone without major injury or not? Is it wrong for me to want answers from the world? Is it wrong of me to find the gleaming bones grand?

Am I heading for the cliff and over three damn waterfalls in a row? Am I going to get beamed up or burnt?

Truly I can find the darndest things to fear. Coincidences have me jumping now. It's only a froth of a movie. Repeat until you believe it, helga.